Religion is a terrorist behaviour

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2006/08/religion-is-terrorist-behaviour.html 
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Picture: The Art of the New Spirituality. "Terrorist" by Eugenio Merino (1).

...........................................................................
Can it be true?
Can it possibly be true
That religion
Is a terrorist behaviour?

Can it be true
That religion
Teaches,
Encourages
And energises
The kind of self-righteous,
Exclusive,
Spiritual fascism
Which leads to
Faith conflicts,
Crusades of slaughter
Against other religions,
God-bothered genocide,
Inquisition torture masters?

And which leads to
Settling theological quibbles
By burning books
And people
To death
On slow fires?

And which leads to
Systematic mutilation
With machetes,
And suicide bombing
Of innocent civilians
In America, Afghanistan,
Israel, Iraq,
Lebanon, England
And other less fashionable
Locations within
Human civilisation?

Can this be true?
Surely not.

Surely we must be positive
And allow for the possibility
That moderate terrorists exist,
Such as Anglicans
Who subscribe to the
Thirty Nine Articles of Religion,
And Alpha which says
That my book
Is the only book,
And all other books
Are less,
And Spring Harvest which says
That the Holy Spirit
Of spiritual fascism
Is a friend of Jesus
And must be worshipped,
And Soul Survivor which says
That its heart is to envision young people
And equip them
To move in the power of this
Sectarian Holy Spirit,
Chorleywood-style,
And Al-Qaeda which says
That Jews and Americans must die
If they don't convert on demand,
Which is a moderate position to adopt
Compared with, say,
A good, old-fashioned,
Bible-led,
Holy Spirit-led,
Torture-led
Church inquisition.

And no respectable,
Moderate,
Religious terrorist organisation,
Is training
Young terrorists,
Of course.

Let's be quite clear about that.

Can any of this possibly be true?
Don't be daft.



........................



I am a terrorist

Heretic unfrocked

My name is God and these are My instructions

More Norfolk koans

The unwisdom of belief

Index of blog contents

Our angels the aliens

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2004/12/our-angels-aliens.html
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Picture: Our angels the aliens


There may be an issue of vocabulary here. And there may be an issue of high strangeness.

The word "angel" sounds about OK. We understand the wings. And we've heard about the feeling.

When an angel's energies intersect with yours, the New Age books report, you see a fuzzy-looking diaphanous light and get an initial creepy feeling in the stomach area. This slowly changes to a deep-down, supportive, humming vibration. Then there is a feeling of melted love being poured all over you, like warm, liquid toffee dribbling nicely over the surface of your skin. Angels? No problem. Even the government believes in angels.

But aliens? They're different. They're freaky. They're Other. And there's a motive difficulty with aliens. Why are they here? Do they want both my testicles or just one? And why don't they say please?

And there's a subterfuge problem. Why do the aliens beam us up to their ships when we are fast asleep? Don't they understand the social complications of pyjamas?

And there's a security issue, too, with aliens. How come the government says they don't exist? And how come the aliens wipe our memories after the event? And how come that, subsequently, only very expensive and very fashionable, middle-class, regressive hypnotherapy can restore those memory circuits for us?

It's a puzzle. But is part of the puzzle an issue of vocabulary? If I'm an alien and I come into your ambit, you feel alienated. But if instead of being called an alien, I am called a positive, off-planet, extra-terrestrial, and I come into your ambit, you feel honoured.

And if instead of being called a positive, off-planet, extra-terrestrial, I am called a Space Brother, and I come into your ambit, you feel that a welcome guest has arrived.

Could it really be that linguistic conditioning, or the deep-down executive energy of words in our consciousness, somehow generates an anti-reaction? Or is it just the freaky eyes?Picture: Freaky-eyed alien


But the issue of high strangeness is more difficult than any of this. Is it possible that angels and aliens are the same thing?Picture: Vatican angel sighting


Over a quarter of a century ago, the American evangelist, Dr Billy Graham, offered a view about aliens, UFOs and angels which changed the thinking of a generation of Western evangelical Christians. Part of what he said was as follows:

"Some Christian writers have speculated that UFOs could very well be part of God's angelic host who preside over the physical affairs of universal creation. While we cannot assert such a view with certainty, many people are now seeking some type of supernatural explanation for these phenomena. Nothing can hide the fact, however, that these unexplained events are occurring with greater frequency around the entire world and in unexpected places...."

"Some sincere Christians, whose views are anchored in a strong commitment to Scriptures contend that these UFOs are angels. But are they? These people point to certain passages.... Any attempt to connect such passages with the visits of angels may, at best, be speculation. What is interesting, however, is that such theories are now being given serious attention even by people who make no claim to believe in the God of the Bible."

I quote here from pp 11-12 of the original Doubleday edition of "Angels – God's secret agents" by Billy Graham (1975).

Billy Graham had a carefully concealed vested interest in promoting the covert UFO agenda among evangelical Christians. He is said to be one of the major intelligence-controlled disinformation agents secreted within the American Southern Baptist community.

As well as using religion to make easy money from the gullible, Billy Graham is reported to be a thirty third degree Freemason associated with Henry Kissinger in the P2 Masonic lodge. P2 controls the mafia and the Vatican.

Billy Graham was a major player and frontman in Project Blue Beam, the negative Illuminati's space-based hologram programme designed to counterfeit the Second Coming of Christ and install an easily-controlled fake Saviour as Head of the World.

Blue Beam was rumbled and disabled by the Higher Evolution. A benevolent Pleiadian starship turned the orbiting satellite dishes round to face in the wrong directions, and scrambled the electronics.

There is more about Billy Graham here. And more about Project Blue Beam can be found here and here.

It is difficult to remain neutral in the angels and aliens debate. An increasing number of post-evangelicals incline to the emerging view that there is a major overlap between the entities we perceive to be angels and the entities we perceive to be aliens.

Perhaps the alien sympathy arises, in part, because in England and elsewhere there have been so many extraordinary agriglyphs to ponder in crop fields over the last three decades.Picture: English crop circle agriglyph - 1


Some of these crop circle miracles have been so complex mathematically and, at the same time, so benignly beautiful that they cannot intelligently be ignored as spiritual signifiers.

And the fact that in many cases, UFO, or pillar of cloud, activity has been seen above the fields instants before the agriglyphs manifest has tended to dissolve a lot of the negative perceptions about what the UFOs are or may be up to. They are producing truly astounding landscape art. It is the art of angels.Picture: English crop circle agriglyph - 3


The spiritual teacher in England who knows most about aliens and agriglyphs is Benjamin Creme. He runs the Share International website and does a lot of work with what he calls the Space Brothers.

Creme says that most of the agriglyphs are manifested by Christ with the assistance of Martian and Venusian lightships. His ideas are compelling and fall sober and four-square within the Western esoteric tradition.Picture: Jovian spacecraft constructing crop circle agriglyph at Alton Barnes


Many agree with Benjamin. And it is not difficult to agree with those who have always argued that, in the Bible, there is ample evidence of extraterrestrial spirituality intersecting with human spirituality.

Of the many instances of intelligent extraterrestrial activity recorded in the Bible, alien-friendly Christians tend, these days, to concentrate on things like the Bethlehem starship (Mt 2:1-12), the pillars of cloud and fire (Ex 13:21-2, 14:19-24, 33:9-10, Num 12:5, Deut 31:15), the ascensions, or lift-offs, of Melchizedek (implied), Enoch (Gen 5:24, Heb 11:5) and Elijah (2 Kings 2:1-11), and the work of the Elohim geneticists (Gen 1:25-27).

But for many it is the extraterrestrial encounter recorded in Ezekiel 1:4 - 3:15 which is one of the most notable.

The noisy intersecting wheels on the landing craft are a curious feature (Eze 1:15-21 & 3:13). The psychotropic drug given to Ezekiel by the extraterrestrial visitor is of interest (Eze 3:1-3). And the prophet's subsequent abduction (Eze 3:12-15) is an entirely familiar motif.

The psychotropic drug bothers people. The full text is found at Ezekiel 2:8 – 3:1-3:

"But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you." Then I looked, and I saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll, which he unrolled before me. On both sides of it were written words of lament and mourning and woe. And he said to me, "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the house of Israel." So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. Then he said to me, "Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it." So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.'

We have a scroll described here, the text of which is turgid with lament, mourning and woe. One might expect that such a document, if ingested, would taste foul, bitter, sour or indigestible. In fact, Ezekiel says: ".... it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth."

This suggests that an ingredient of the "scroll" may have been psychotropic, affecting Ezekiel's mood or sensitivity.

Modern alien abduction scenarios do sometimes include the giving of drugs. And in the particular context of the larger story, the drug administered might also have had a stimulant effect on Ezekiel, quickening him for the difficult preaching tour he was about to undertake on the alien's behalf.

The "scroll" itself may have been a roll of ingestible material not entirely dissimilar to those rolled-up, coffee-flavoured wafers you can get at Sainsbury's for poking into the top of ice creams. But this is vapid speculation.

However, no-one uncritically immersed in Western popular culture will raise an eyebrow at Ezekiel's abduction after this drug has been taken.

The text is found at Eze 3:12-15: "Then the Spirit lifted me up, and I heard behind me a loud rumbling sound - May the glory of the LORD be praised in his dwelling place! - the sound of the wings of the living creatures brushing against each other and the sound of the wheels beside them, a loud rumbling sound. The Spirit then lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with the strong hand of the LORD upon me. I came to the exiles who lived at Tel Abib near the Kebar River. And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven days - overwhelmed."

Ezekiel's mood seems equivocal. On the one hand, he appears resigned and obedient about his abduction - or might this be the late gloss of a redactor? On the other hand, and paradoxically, Ezekiel is, at the same time, bitter, angry and overwhelmed by the experience. He should cheer up. At least he hasn't lost a testicle.

This is, of course, a personal reading of the Ezekiel poem; others will intuit alternative subtexts. Perhaps it is true that there are as many scriptures as there are readers.

But as modern, open-minded Christians become more and more conversant with the emerging teachings which the Holy Spirit is now giving through transpersonal psychology and transdimensional spirituality, the awareness will inevitably dawn that every angelic encounter recorded in the Bible might not necessarily have been an encounter with an angel at all; it may simply have been an encounter with a benign extraterrestrial or with an ascended master (a saint). The "shining ones" may not always be, indeed may not usually be, angels.

One danger of this developing view is that it tends towards a downgrading of the perceived importance of the devic kingdom. Angels are important. It is suggested that there are trillions of them in our immediate planetary ambit. Indeed, like music, we ourselves may be made of angels. To be made of intelligent light-forms is to be made of the substance of God.

The fact that the occasional benign extraterrestrial or ascended master chooses to present to spiritualised human consciousness in apparent angel-form should not reduce our awareness of, or gratefulness to, the parallel and supportive evolution we call the angels.

Without angels, the universe would not cohere. And as a microcosm of that universe, nor would we.

Angels are, perhaps, the aliens closest to the heart of our modern God-consciousness.
Picture: "Guardian Angel" by Domen Lombergar



Unusual cloud-form over Launceston

Extraterrestrial visitor news 

What are angels made of?
 
Are angels and aliens similar?
 
The consciousness of the angels 

Extraterrestrial symbols of spiritual protection
 
Working with extraterrestrial healers 

Index of blog contents

Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Jaded post-evangelicals celebrate the end of religion

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.co.uk/2007/08/greenbelt-view-from-death-star.html
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Picture: Greenbelt Festival. The view from the Death Star.


The upliftment continues at Greenbelt

Not often discussed at Greenbelt

Greenbelt anti-pilgrimage

Disappointed at Greenbelt


AB note: The Greenbelt Festival takes place over four days each August Bank Holiday in the UK. In recent years it has been held in the west of England, at the Cheltenham National Hunt racecourse in Gloucestershire. It bills itself as an "arts, faith and justice festival" and has been running since 1974. The official Greenbelt Festival website can be found here.

Picture: What caused the death of religion?



Why is church so serious?

Jesus recounts a dream he had about George Bush

Photographed light blessings from Jesus

A new scripture shortly to be published

Traditional Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Disappointed at Greenbelt

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.co.uk/2005/08/disappointed-at-greenbelt.html
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No longer young,
She makes her way
To the Greenbelt Festival
At Cheltenham Racecourse.

It is a sacred site;
Full of Celtic ghosts
And the sense of
Abiding loss.

In her mind
Is the hope
That she may be able
To rediscover
Something of the energy
Of spiritual fascism
Which so excited
Her internal juices
All those years ago
At university.

She is disappointed.

Plenty is happening
At Greenbelt,
But none of it has to do with
Energy,
Spiritual fascism,
Or internal fluidity.

What is happening
At Greenbelt
Is the spiritual self-congratulation
Of materialistic Middle England
As it tries to remember
What all the fuss was about
In the olden days
When angels seemed closer,
And Churchianity seemed more
Than just gender-posing,
And God existed
As a vital,
Immanent
And cosmetically expedient
Fashion accessory.

To be a survivor
At Greenbelt,
You have to be
An out-of-date
Post-evangelical.

And to be
An out-of-date
Post-evangelical,
You have to be
A card-carrying
Associate member
Of the human race
With a half-finished,
Unpublished
Thesis
On "God as Dolphin Mother."

It is all rather disappointing.

But, this year,
The intense quality
Of the disappointment
Is somehow
More gratifying
Than usual.






Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Greenbelt anti-pilgrimage

My name is God and these are My instructions

An emerging spirituality for The New Age of Aquarius

Weblog spirituality

Men make such hopeless priests

Why is church so serious?

More Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Not often discussed at Greenbelt

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.co.uk/2007/08/not-often-discussed-at-greenbelt.html
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Greenbelt is
The gleeful annual festival
Of transcendental self-congratulation
For the omnipercipient;
A sort of
Trojan horsefair
For biblecreeps,
Pewbuttocks,
And armchair dogma potatoes
Who wish to widen
The horizons
Of their tunnel vision.

Greenbelt at Cheltenham
Is a lot like
Glastonbury at Glastonbury,
Except without the mud
And the noise:
Not only the scrotums are wrinkly.

But there is a tent
For the under-fifties,
With Chorleywood
Colouring books,
Old Testament
Legobricks
By Soul Survivor,
And black and white
Play-Doh
By the African bishops:
Pink not allowed.

Not often discussed
At Greenbelt
Is the fact that
Although post-religious
Christian spirituality
Walked out of church
Decades ago
And exercised its option
Of not returning,
Churchianity at Greenbelt
Is still a
Fashion accessory
Proudly sported by
A minority
Of the spiritually insecure -
Not all of them bishops.

The trousers at Wycliffe Hall
Might object to this
On the grounds that,
In Extremis,
The evangelical God
Must go through the motions
Of noticing the energy
Of the churchbore groupmind
As part of His
Non-negotiable covenant
Of universal condescension.

But it doesn't matter much.
Apparently, Wycliffe Hall
Is only an upgraded
Second division polytechnic
Playfully maintaining
A furtive,
Semi-detached relationship
With Oxford University.

No-one of absolutely
Terrific quality
Goes there any more;
No-one of absolutely
Terrific quality
Teaches there any more;
These days it's just
A toothless ghetto
Of masticating misogynists
Chewing the crud
Of Christendom past
And keen
To climax
On Calvin.
Or so it is said
Around the wide acres
Of the Cheltenham racecourse.

But we must tolerate
The new fundamentalism,
And patronise
The Talibanisation
Of Anglican Churchianity
Because it is a legitimate
Voice of dissent
Among the sex-obsessed
Death odours
Of Western religion.
Or so it is suggested,
As a discussion starter,
Before the fish course.

But at Greenbelt
It's OK to be
Vegetarian
On these issues.

Indeed, after four days
Of earnest broad-mindedness
And agenda-free enquiry,
Life itself
Begins to feel
A bit like
A stuffed aubergine.

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Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Disappointed at Greenbelt

Greenbelt anti-pilgrimage

Sermon abuse

Why is church so serious?

Religion is a terrorist behaviour

A new scripture shortly to be published

The Piers Stockton cycle of koans

More Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Greenbelt anti-pilgrimage

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.co.uk/2006/08/greenbelt-anti-pilgrimage.html
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Once again,
Sid and Doris Heeohm-Kountie,
Balding and quasi-menopausal,
Find themselves
At the Greenbelt Festival,
In Cheltenham,
Gloucestershire.

Horses for courses.

It is the annual
Anti-pilgrimage
To yesterday's memories
Of what might have been
If the Holy Spirit
Had been a bit more streetwise
In the pre-mortgage,
Pre-wife-and-two-veg years,
Of fundamentalist
Spiritual formation.

What is the narrative here?
And what is the metanarrative?

The narrative is
That this is Cheltenham,
Not Middlesborough.

Nor is it Baghdad
Or Banda Aceh
Or Darfur
Or Kashmir
Or Lebanon
Or Ramallah.

We're not talking about
Engagement with real issues
On the ground, here;
We're talking about
Talking about
Not engaging with real issues
On the ground,
But not engaging
With empathy:
Christian social action through the arts
As directed from
The depths
Of the middle class armchair.

You need bottom at Greenbelt:
The narrative is radical.

The metanarrative, however,
Is less decisive.

At Greenbelt
You have to learn
To expect the expected.

The Greenbelt Festival
Is Tunbridge Wells
At prayer.

Hold the front page.

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Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Disappointed at Greenbelt

Men make such hopeless priests

Why is church so serious?

More Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Maybe try Romanism?

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2006/05/maybe-try-romanism.html

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Page update: 04.07.10


We are often asked by innocent, impressionable young people, with iPods in their pockets and Rampant Rabbits in their sportsbags, what, exactly, we think of Roman Churchianity (also known as the Roman Catholic Church).

Our response to these enquiries is always measured, balanced and responsible.

We point out that although the quality of popes has declined recently, and there are no longer the fringe benefits for altar boys which once, in happier times, were enjoyed by many, Roman churchianity is still a hobby worthy of consideration, particularly by those with dark-side antiquarian interests.

If, for example, a modern young person is looking for religion rather than spirituality, then Roman churchianity may well be a live option.

Some well-informed, contemporary authorities say that Roman churchianity is church with the Christianity taken out, and a sprinkle of negative energy and spiritual fascism added in. This is a fair comment, but it is not the whole story.

Certainly, if guilt, sin, sectarianism and dogmatic-style unprotected sex are what you are looking for, then Roman churchianity may be right up your street.

But others say that Roman churchianity is not a thing to get involved with if you are of a nervous disposition and feel uncomfortable with a religion which apes the style of the Bush-Cheney White House, i.e. one which combines fundamentalist mantras with an all-consuming desire to dominate the weak.

In our view, this is slightly unfair. Many people who, in past centuries, proudly attached their undergarments to the mast of Roman churchianity, have now been reincarnated into quite positive, fun-loving, New Age careers.

And it should not be forgotten, that Roman churchianity generates a good deal of helpful literature. We would notice especially, in this context, the Catechism of the Roman Catholic Church. This is a well thought-out book which offers the informed reader many interesting old ideas which can form the basis of a lively, individuated, do-it-yourself church lifestyle. And the book contains several interesting theories which can be useful as discussion-starters when having a drink with Muslim friends.

In this modern age, Roman churchianity needs all the help it can get. And it is getting a lot of help from the media. This popular support is to be welcomed and trusted.


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The Criminal History of The Papacy (3 pdf files) 1 .. 2 .. 3
The endemic corruption which has blighted Roman Churchianity for over ten centuries. Tony Bushby writes in Nexus Magazine (2007).


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Why is church so serious?

Sermon abuse

What caused the death of religion?

The Gospel of Judas

Da Vinci's Magdalene

Index of blog contents

Men make such hopeless priests

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2005/06/men-make-such-hopeless-priests.html
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Feminist theology is about more
Than the use of vibrators
In liturgical dance.

Feminist theology is about
The sexist silliness of saying
That God is a cosmic senior citizen
With hair on his chin
But not on his pussy.

Feminist theology's goals
Are to interrogate
The social construction
Of black womanhood
In relation to the African American experience
And ask if "womanist theology"
Might be a more gender-neutral term
Than "feminist theology" -
And more ladylike?

And feminist theology is about
The employment discrimination
Involved in asserting
That 3.5 billion clitorises
Disqualify the human beings
Attached to them
From being priests of Christ
And from the fringe benefits
Which being priests of Christ brings
In terms of pretty dresses
And pensions.

Apparently,
If you are the proud possessor
Of a penis,
You can pray better.

Feminist theology
Questions this dogma.

And feminist theology
Questions other things,
Such as why is it the case
In many churches
That there is so little
Handbag space
Provided on the High Altar?
And why is it is the case
That most medieval
Easter sepulchres
Are not fitted with bidets?

These are live issues
For the female faithful
And they cannot be swept under
The kitchen sink.

It is not easy
To deliver a sermon in church
While you are doing the ironing.

It is true that you could
Get a man in
To do the ironing.

But that would mean
That the man would miss the sermon,
Or do the ironing
Down at the pub.

Or, more likely,
Mow the lawn instead
While laughing loudly
At football jokes
And peeing on the lavatory seat.

Men make such hopeless priests.


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Men's issues

Female bishops

Why is church so serious?

Descent

More Norfolk koans

Is God an idealist?

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

Sermon abuse

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2005/03/sermon-abuse.html
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The vicar strides solemnly
Up the pulpit steps
To deliver the twenty seventh sermon
In his series on the
Surprisingly contemporaneous words
Of the Old Testament prophet, Obadiah.

In the back pew on the left,
Mrs Hartley is ready.

She takes a machine pistol
Out of her handbag,
Points the weapon steadily
At the vicar,
And empties the magazine
Into his open mouth.

It is a NADFAS magazine
About late medieval church furnishings,
So the vicar's death is slow and agonising.

The police conduct a detailed investigation
Into the murder,
And send the papers
To the Crown Prosecution Service.

Several people at the Crown Prosecution Service
Die of boredom
As they review the NADFAS papers
On late medieval church furnishings.

In the end,
The Crown Prosecution Service
Takes the view
That it would not be in the public interest
To prosecute Mrs Hartley
For murdering the vicar.

On balance, they say,
The public good has been greatly enhanced
By the removal of a notorious pest.

There is a clear limit
To the amount of the Old Testament prophet,
Obadiah,
Which the general public
Can be expected to tolerate.


..................................



These days the church

Female bishops

Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Controlled anal voicing

The mean streets

More Norfolk koans

Why is church so serious?

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

Fundamentalists' Fellowship

Page update: 25.06.07

Serious students of the divine mysteries might consider becoming members of The Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua.

According to the local elders, this sacred place in cyberspace is named after a little old dog with cataracts, who barked sideways at strangers, because he couldn't see where they were. They suggest that we humans relate to God in the same way, making noise in God's general direction, and expecting a reward for doing so.

The Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua has a creed: "We can't be right about everything we believe. Thank God, we don't have to be! In other words, there is more to ethical monotheism than pleasing your imaginary friend."

On the church website, there is an essay by J.A.H.Futterman (1996) entitled: "Canned Theology - Junk Food for the Soul." In this he describes four conservative flavours of theology:

(1) God is just waiting to get you the minute you screw up. This is taken by many practitioners of the Abrahamic religions — Judaism, Christianity, and Islam — as the basis for moral behaviour. Since externally imposed order is repugnant even to those who believe in it, they occasionally rebel against such order, either openly, or by wilfully misinterpreting the commandments, as in: "Thou shalt not kill, except for that heretic over there."

(2) Christ died for your sins, so now you'd really better not screw up. This is the distinctively Christian form of the item above. God in the form of the God-Man, Jesus, allows himself to be murdered by bad people so he can come back from dead and say, "See, I died for you. Now you really owe me bigtime, so you better shape up!" In Games People Play, Eric Berne called this game, "Now I've Got You, You Son-of-a-Bitch!"

(3) You must build the Kingdom of God on earth by making it impossible for anyone else to screw up. When people are full of this one, they try to control the behaviour of people whose beliefs differ from theirs. Used in repressive legislation. Also a prime ingredient in recipes for religious and ethnic conflict. Used as a condiment in some liberal environmental agendas.

(4) You must purify God's Kingdom on earth by killing those who do screw up. This flavour is consumed by those who have no taste for mercy. Typically, when they partake of this one, they screw up bigtime.

The Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua can be found online here.

And The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster can be visited here.


...........................................................



How silly is salvation?

Repent, the Kingdom of God is at hand!

What is the answer?

The unwisdom of belief

Fundamentalism is a closed room

Yoghurt shelves

Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

The Theologians' Brains Trust

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2004/11/theologians-brains-trust.html

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At last the great day had arrived. It was the day of the Theologians’ Brains Trust. The church hall was full. On the platform sat two rows of distinguished theologians. The chairman called the meeting to order. A reverent hush descended.

“May I have the first question for our experts, please?”
A man stood up.
“Why are this year’s crop circles more complicated than last year’s crop circles?”
The theologians were silent.

“May I have the next question for our experts, please?”
A woman stood up.
“Why, when I am meditating, are my meditations a different colour at full moon than they are at other times?”
The theologians were silent.

“May I have the next question for our experts, please?”
A child stood up.
“What is best for curing paper jams in a fax machine? Tesco shower gel or Sainsbury's thick and creamy yoghurt?”
The theologians were silent.

“May I have the next question for our experts, please?”
A priest stood up.
“What is theology?”
The theologians all started talking at once.

When the last member of the audience left the hall, the theologians were still talking. Very quietly, the caretaker switched off the lights, locked the doors and went home. He didn’t want to disturb the theologians.


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Fundamentalists' Bring-and-Buy

How is religion?

Why is church so serious?

The unwisdom of belief

Pope terror talks

Greenbelt - the view from the Death Star

Index of blog contents

How silly is salvation?

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2004/10/how-silly-is-salvation.html

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Page update: 23.02.10

Alcuin: Flutterby?
Flutterby: Yes?
Alcuin: How silly is salvation?
Flutterby: Salvation is very silly.
Alcuin: How silly is salvation in miles per hour?
Flutterby: It is not the speed of the silliness which is the issue. It is the logarithmic relationship between the silliness and the sensibleness which is the spiritual determinant. But to answer your question, most salvation contains about one hundred and eighty three miles per hour of silliness within each quartile of an average culture plate during the rush hour.
Alcuin: That's a lot of silliness in one place.
Flutterby: Silliness does sometimes come in concentrated form.
Alcuin: Why is salvation so silly?
Flutterby: Salvation is silly because there is nothing to be saved from and nothing to be saved for.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: In every case, human beings are born in a state of original perfection. They are partakers of the divine nature.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: And in every case, human beings inexorably evolve into future states of even greater perfection. They become more and more aware of their personal participation in divinity.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: So there is no congenital imperfection to be corrected, and no future state of potential imperfection to be insured against.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: I agree, too.
Alcuin: Give me an example of the silliness of salvation.
Flutterby: A good example of the silliness of salvation is the theory of substitutionary atonement.
Alcuin: What silly things does the theory of substitutionary atonement suggest?
Flutterby: It suggests a four-point process of salvation:
(1) A chap gets killed a couple of thousand years before we are born and, therefore, a couple of thousand years before we have thought or done anything.
(2) This chap is deliberately killed by someone instead of that someone killing us.
(3) The murder wipes away our sins two thousand years before we have had the time or the opportunity to commit any sins.
(4) The murder buys us a lifetime ticket to heaven.
Alcuin: And on the basis of this theory, a bunch of fundamentalists tries to evangelise the world?
Flutterby: Yes.
Alcuin: That is extremely silly.
Flutterby: Yes. Salvation is silly.
Alcuin: Who invented the theory of substitutionary atonement?
Flutterby: A very sick mind invented it.
Alcuin: Which mind?
Flutterby: The mind of the Church.
Alcuin: How can the mind of the Church be so silly?
Flutterby: Because human beings are silly, and Churchianity is the invention of human beings.
Alcuin: Hold on. You said earlier that human beings are perfect.
Flutterby: No, I didn't.
Alcuin: Yes you did.
Flutterby: No, I didn't.
Alcuin: Yes you did.
Flutterby: No, I didn't. I said that human beings are born in a state of original perfection.
Alcuin: Ah.
Flutterby: Yes.
Alcuin: But human beings don't stay perfect?
Flutterby: No. Shortly after birth, some human beings get sick and catch religion. One symptom of religion - in its advanced stages - is silliness.
Alcuin: What can be done?
Flutterby: Young children could be protected from religion.
Alcuin: Yes.
Flutterby: Religion grooms children for silliness.
Alcuin: That is very silly.
Flutterby: Yes, it is.
Alcuin: A priest of the Church once said, "Give me a child at the age of seven, and I will ensure that he is silly for all eternity."
Flutterby: Something like that, yes.
Alcuin: Silly.
Flutterby: Very silly.


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Churchianity's take on Christianity
A promotional flyer

The substitutionary atonement
An image of salvific fantasy

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Perhaps love

The Ten or Eleven Commandments

The unwisdom of belief

What is the New Spirituality?

How is religion?

What is the function of religion?

Heretic unfrocked

Yoghurt shelves

The Share International revelations

Gospel for the New Age

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching