Page update: 23.02.10
Alcuin: Flutterby?
Flutterby: Yes?
Alcuin: How silly is salvation?
Flutterby: Salvation is very silly.
Alcuin: How silly is salvation in miles per hour?
Flutterby: It is not the speed of the silliness which is the issue. It is the logarithmic relationship between the silliness and the sensibleness which is the spiritual determinant. But to answer your question, most salvation contains about one hundred and eighty three miles per hour of silliness within each quartile of an average culture plate during the rush hour.
Alcuin: That's a lot of silliness in one place.
Flutterby: Silliness does sometimes come in concentrated form.
Alcuin: Why is salvation so silly?
Flutterby: Salvation is silly because there is nothing to be saved from and nothing to be saved for.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: In every case, human beings are born in a state of original perfection. They are partakers of the divine nature.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: And in every case, human beings inexorably evolve into future states of even greater perfection. They become more and more aware of their personal participation in divinity.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: So there is no congenital imperfection to be corrected, and no future state of potential imperfection to be insured against.
Alcuin: I agree.
Flutterby: I agree, too.
Alcuin: Give me an example of the silliness of salvation.
Flutterby: A good example of the silliness of salvation is the theory of substitutionary atonement.
Alcuin: What silly things does the theory of substitutionary atonement suggest?
Flutterby: It suggests a four-point process of salvation:
(1) A chap gets killed a couple of thousand years before we are born and, therefore, a couple of thousand years before we have thought or done anything.
(2) This chap is deliberately killed by someone instead of that someone killing us.
(3) The murder wipes away our sins two thousand years before we have had the time or the opportunity to commit any sins.
(4) The murder buys us a lifetime ticket to heaven.
Alcuin: And on the basis of this theory, a bunch of fundamentalists tries to evangelise the world?
Flutterby: Yes.
Alcuin: That is extremely silly.
Flutterby: Yes. Salvation is silly.
Alcuin: Who invented the theory of substitutionary atonement?
Flutterby: A very sick mind invented it.
Alcuin: Which mind?
Flutterby: The mind of the Church.
Alcuin: How can the mind of the Church be so silly?
Flutterby: Because human beings are silly, and Churchianity is the invention of human beings.
Alcuin: Hold on. You said earlier that human beings are perfect.
Flutterby: No, I didn't.
Alcuin: Yes you did.
Flutterby: No, I didn't.
Alcuin: Yes you did.
Flutterby: No, I didn't. I said that human beings are born in a state of original perfection.
Alcuin: Ah.
Flutterby: Yes.
Alcuin: But human beings don't stay perfect?
Flutterby: No. Shortly after birth, some human beings get sick and catch religion. One symptom of religion - in its advanced stages - is silliness.
Alcuin: What can be done?
Flutterby: Young children could be protected from religion.
Alcuin: Yes.
Flutterby: Religion grooms children for silliness.
Alcuin: That is very silly.
Flutterby: Yes, it is.
Alcuin: A priest of the Church once said, "Give me a child at the age of seven, and I will ensure that he is silly for all eternity."
Flutterby: Something like that, yes.
Alcuin: Silly.
Flutterby: Very silly.
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