Radical space for free-thinkers

He decided to set up
A radical space
For free-thinkers.

This was not
Popular
With the local
Free-thinkers.

They objected
To their houses
Being unilaterally demolished
By his bulldozers.


Joined-up thinking

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A taxi is possible

They decide
To go out to a pub
For lunch.

The pub they decide
To go out to
Is called the
Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland.

But there is a problem:
It is 11.55am
And they are in
Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Which is nearly five hundred miles
Away from
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland,
As the crow flies.

And they have no car;
Crows don't have cars.

A taxi is possible,
But it will cost
Several hundred pounds
And the journey will take
Several hours,
Which is several hours
Too long
Because they are hungry now.

Five hundred miles
Is a long way
To go for lunch,
If it is already
Lunch time where you are
At the moment,
Unless you are very hungry
Indeed.

Instant gratification
Is not the immediate objective,
But imminent gratification
Most certainly is.

So instead of going to
The Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland,
They decide to go, instead, to
A pub called
The Ship and Mermaid
In Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Which is just round the corner
In Middle Street,
From where they are standing now
In the rain.

It is horizontal rain
And there is a wind-chill
Factor of minus 7
Degrees Celsius.

It may be warmer
In Northumberland,
But the Cornish pasties
Are closer
In Port Isaac.

And the potential saving
On the taxi fare
Is not inconsiderable.

Scrooge-like frugality
Is not the immediate objective,
But prudent cost control
Most certainly is.

But there is a downside
To rejecting
The Northumberland option:
At the Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
They serve
Sheepshagger's Five Star from the wood,
Whereas at the Ship and Mermaid
In Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
The best they can manage
Is late-bottled
Amphibian urine.

In a perfect world,
The competing options
Would be less vertiginous,
And the decisions required
To navigate them
Less excruciating.

But, although, pleasant,
Neither Newton-on-the-Moor,
Northumberland,
Or Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Is perfect.

However,
In the end,
And in the particular circumstances
Cited in this case,
Lunch turns out to be
Manifestly tolerable.

..................................................

Harriet feels a burning sensation

Olive restaurant in Bromley

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Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race

The final of this year's
Oxford and Cambridge
Boat Race
Will be between
The Department of Ablutions
And Yellow Plastic Ducks
At the University of Bath,
And the Department of Birds
And Bird-Related Issues
Such as Chicken-Stuffing
At Harvard University.

Professor Richard Charlcombe
Of the University of Bath said:
"It is good to be competing
For The Ashes once more
With our good friends
From Harvard.
This is the twenty-seventh time
In two hundred years
That the universities
Of Bath and Harvard
Have reached the final
Of the Oxford and Cambridge
Boat Race.
If we win the toss
We will elect to row the race
On the River Ganges
At Chester."

Professor Floyd Quincy
Of Harvard University said:
"Bath are always tough opponents.
We have lost our last twenty-six
Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race
Finals against them.
If we win the toss
We will elect to row the race
On the Shatt al Arab waterway
In Mesopotamia."

Our rowing correspondent,
Leander Henley comments:
"This particular
Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race
Is too close to call.
Bath are always at their best
In English conditions,
But in the Middle East,
The Surrey Station
Can be difficult to find.
There is no doubt that,
These days,
Harvard have a lot more boats
Than Bath.
In a tight race
This can sometimes
Be an advantage."


Joined-up thinking

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