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Thursday, March 24, 2005

Joined-up thinking

A man called Bentley
Wants to enrol
In a post-graduate course
In joined-up thinking
At Oxford University.

He goes to a public lavatory
In Berlin
To speak to the academic registrar.
The academic registrar is not there.
The academic registrar

Is in a public lavatory
In Oxford.

"Why do you want to enrol
In a post-graduate course
In joined-up thinking
At Oxford University?"
He is asked.

"Because I am impressed
With the blue colour
Of yellow daffodils
As perceived by Polar Bears
In the Sahara Dessert,"
he replies.

"When you say Sahara Dessert,
Do you mean Sahara Desert?"
"Yes, I mean Kalahari main course,"
he replies,
"With noodles
And pachyderm depth psychology."

"Polar Bears
Are not pachyderms,"
Says the academic registrar.

"Some Polar Bears
May exhibit an internal predisposition
To pachydermatous behaviours
When aroused by joined-up thinking."

"What is your academic background,
Mr Bentley?"
"Zoology, Botany
And Crustacean Flower Arranging."

"Do you have an IQ?"
"I have several IQs"
"Which is your favourite IQ?"
"My favourite IQ is 156.
That is the IQ
Of a Giant Panda
On the crest
Of a whole-body orgasm."

"Your manner of speech is curious,
Mr Bentley."

"May I have an application form?"
"What kind of application form
Would you like?"
"I would like an application form
For post-graduate entry
To the select course
In joined-up thinking
At Oxford University."

"Would you like the application form
To have coloured pictures on it?"
"No. I would like the application form
To have black-and-white pictures on it
Which I can colour-in with wax crayons."

"At Oxford University,
You are allowed a choice
Of a special free gift
To go with your application form,"
Says the academic registrar.

"Thank you.
I would like a bee orchid
To go with my application form."
"Of course."
"Or a vegetable object
That is bee-orchid-like
In its visual characteristics,
Such as a tennis shoe
Or a traction engine."

"You have a fine mind, Mr Bentley."


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