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Saturday, November 18, 2006

Kristianne Wych Christian Wicca

Kristianne Wych
Had a very conventional
Western upbringing:
School uniform,
Project on the Victorians,
21st Century Goddess,
Harry Potter,
Detention for too much makeup,
Phillip Pullman,
Bliss mag,
Finger vibe,
Right-on evanjelly church,
Furry handcuffs,
Shouty gurl bandz,
Detention for no bra,
Diary of Anne Frank,
Detention for flashing teapot lids,
David Copperfield,
Gated for tongue stud,
Dangers of fast food,
Day trip to Calais,
Coral pink toenails,
William Blake,
Gurly sleepovers,
Alton Towers,
Nail bars,
Netball Club,
Two detentions for tongue
In Matty Smith's ear,
No surrender,
It was only one tongue
And one ear,
Romeo and Juliet,
Pret sandwiches,
Sunday Telegraph,
Gated for torn jeans with no knickers,

Horse and Hound,
Young Farmers Christmas collection,
Gated for mobile phone bill
Half the size of Daddy Bear's
Annual bonus,

Alcopops for breakfast

Pink Teddy Bear with attitude.

It was an entirely conventional
Western upbringing.

So it was something
Of a shock
For the wrinklies
In her life
To learn that,

At the age of fourteen,
Kristianne Wych
Had decided to become
A Christian witch.

She left her
Right-on evanjelly church,
Where she was regarded as
Promising conversion material,
Saying that she liked Jesus,
But disliked church
Because it was sucky
And predictable
And boring
And had creepy priests.

And church caused problems
Like torture
And the Crusades
And the Inquisition
And slavery
And the suppression of boobs on bishops
And obsessions
With gay books
Like the Bible.

And church was full of
Silly, competitive,
Fighty boyzstuff
To do with violent beliefs
And dodgy salvation fantasies.

But she liked Jesus,
She said,
Because Jesus
Was a halfway decent
Who could
Heal serious stuff,
And conjure thousands
Of packed lunches
Out of thin air
On trips to the mountains,
And could shut up
The wind and the waves
Like a good teacher,
And could raise lazy fatties
From the dead,
And go completely sulky
When questioned
By religious prats
And give the temple capitalists
A good whipping.

Plus an additional recommendation
Was that Jesus had
A gurl-friendly
Pastoral policy
And got his rocks off
With Mary Maggadolly.

So Kristianne Wych
Became a Christian witch;
Not a bad,
Pervy, negative witch
Like those Slytherin sluts;
A good,
Fit, white witch
Like Hermione Grainger
And Ginny Weasley.

Christian Wicca,
She reckoned,
Was more use to Jesus
Than dead boring
Church stuffy stuff,
And in Wicca
There's more opportunity
For gurl power to do good.
And Wicca
Is better for the planet
Than church
And Jesus spent a lot of time
Doing shaman-type things.

And with Wicca
She could get outdoors too,
Out into the fresh air
Under the clouds
Away from the bibles
And cobwebs
And prayer books
And dusty antique superstitions,
And feel her bare feet
On the wet grass,
And spend time
Beside streams
In the hills,
And listen to the rustle
Of lonely woods,
And pay attention
To the milky moon
And make friends
With the stars
And talk to the rabbits
And nature spirits
And listen to the earth
Breathing green.

And she could get to do
Real Harry Potter trix
On the astral plane,
And help people properly
While they were asleep,
And get better and better
At meditation
And invocation
And affirmation
Which was really powerful stuff,
And teach boys
To love properly,
And get hot
And tantric
And juicy
And melty
With Matty Smith,
Which was what Matty Smith
Needed most
But didn't know it yet.

And that is how
Kristianne Wych,
The Christian witch,
Got into
Christian Wicca.


Christian Wicca pendant
A photograph

Teen witch tarot
A picture card

A picture by Jasmine Becket-Griffith

Nude fairy drake
A picture by Jasmine Becket-Griffith

Young Wizard
A picture by Julie Bell

Harry, Ron and Hermione
A photograph taken on the set of The Goblet of Fire


What are witches and what do they believe?

Spell of the day


I am the Moon

Aquarian elf girl

We are water beings

Pumpkin candlelight

Small visitors



Antidote to terror

A dream is a portal

A new scripture shortly to be published


How important is Jesus?

Da Vinci's Magdalene

Meditation - the direct encounter

The resurrection of the shaman

Teen hotties

Sexual health and safety for hot young lovers

Understanding the New Age Children

Is Harry Potter true?

Traditional Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

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