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Thursday, June 23, 2005

Blowing in the wind

A man with a red-and-yellow bowtie
Goes in to see his doctor

In Harrow, Middlesex.

"Good morning, Doctor,
"How are you?"

"I am very well, thank you,
I have got five briefcases
And three umbrellas."

"Jolly good."

"What can I do for you,
Mr Millipede?"

"I'm worried about my left leg, Doctor,
It seems to be hanging off."

"Yes, legs do that.
Legs are designed to hang off.
They hang off the pelvic girdle
Attached only by muscles,
Tendons and ligaments.
If legs didn't hang off like that,
Mobility would be inconvenient."

"I understand, Doctor,
But this particular leg of mine
Has been hanging off alarmingly
Recently.
I don't want to make a fuss,
But I would describe the hanging off
Of the leg
As pathological."

"Oh dear.
We'd better have a look, then."

"As you can see, Doctor,
I have taken off my trousers
And underpants
To assist you in your endeavours."

"Yes, I noticed that
When you walked into the room.
How long has your left leg
Been hanging off like this?"

"For as long as I can remember, Doctor.
Fifty-five or sixty years at least.
It blows about in the wind."

"Your left leg blows about in the wind?"

"Yes."

"I see.
Mr Millipede, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Doctor."

"Does your left leg blow about in the wind
All the time?
Or does your left leg blow about in the wind,
Episodically?"

"What do you mean, Doctor?"

"I mean, Mr Millipede,
Are there times when your left leg
Blows about in the wind
Which are then followed by other times
When your left leg
Does not blow about in the wind?"

"Yes."

"Are you aware
Of any particular circumstances
Which seem positively to correlate
With the episodes
Of your left leg blowing about
In the wind?"

"Yes."

"What are those circumstances?"

"Doctor, when I take my trousers
And underpants off
And climb out
On to the window ledge
Of my seventeenth floor office at work,
And lower myself over the window ledge
So that I am dangling from it
By my fingertips only,
And it is a windy day,
My left leg
Blows about most disconcertingly."

"Yours is a rare
And interesting condition,
Mr Millipede.

I must consult my textbooks."


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2 Comments:

Anonymous vera said...

Your thoughts on suicide are a little mercurial.

Still thinking.....

10:21 am  
Anonymous vera said...

Living is a choice, in the same way that God is a choice.

I cling to them for dear life.

8:55 pm  

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