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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Magic Roundabout pyjamas

As usual,
First thing in the morning,
Horace Appleford
Slips out
Of his Magic Roundabout pyjamas,
Goes down
To Caffe Como
In the High Street
Of Wallingford,
Oxfordshire,
And orders
A lobster and cabbage
Sandwich.

But today
There are no lobsters
And the cabbage
Is off.

Horace has noticed before
That when he fails to wear
His Magic Roundabout pyjamas
To Caffe Como,
The menu
Is more limited
Than usual.

They offer to
Order in
More lobsters
From Abingdon
But point out,
Quite reasonably,
That today
You cannot get cabbage
For love or for money
This side
Of Didcot.

After some consideration,
Horace decides to order
A guinea fowl curry
Instead.

The waiter
Compliments him
On his choice.

A fresh consignment
Of well-hung
Guinea fowl
Has just arrived

From West Hagbourne.


Pleasantly crunchy

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Saturday, December 24, 2005

Christmas in Keswick

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2005/12/christmas-in-keswick.html
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It is Christmas Day
In Keswick.

Turkeys skip happily
Over the high fells
Above Mosedale.

Plum puddings
Decorate
The north face
Of Skiddaw.

And piping hot
Mince pies
Are arranged in wavy lines
Across the A66
At Great Crosthwaite.

The parish church
Of St John Evangelist
Is full
With festive worshippers
Exchanging
Help the Aged
Christmas cards
And sipping rum punch
Under the west tower.

High in the sky overhead
A fierce, rumbling,
Hissing sound
Is heard.

Suddenly,
A huge asteroid measuring
760 metres long
By 435 metres wide
Crashes through the roof
Of the church.

But because the asteroid
Is two-dimensional,
Little lasting damage is done,
Except to the liturgy
Of the Church of England.

The advent candle
Continues
To burn brightly,
As it did throughout
The Second World War.

Christmas lunch
Proceeds
On time.

At Swinside Cottage,
The Christmas crackers
Are enjoyed
Between the main course
And the dessert wine.

At Portinscale Terrace
The Braithwaites
And the Millbeck girls
Will be coming round
To sing carols
Before tea.

And later this evening
In Derwent Walk,
There will be
Buttered toast,
Roasted chestnuts

And Christmas pudding ice-cream.



................................................


Traditional school carol service

Christmas metanarrative

High fells

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Christmas metanarrative

Christmas is
The time each year
When Santa slips deftly
Down your chimney
And brings you a copy
Of the Holy Qur'an.

Christmas is
The annual festival
Designed by women
To celebrate the unnecessary pressure
They put on themselves
For about two months every year,
And to complain about it
To any man who will listen.

Christmas is
That happy festive time
When men cast away their cares
About cirrhosis of the liver,
And beer bellies
And indulge in a spot
Of chronic, well-lubricated
Male bonding.

Christmas is
When you go to a school nativity play
And discover
That the birth of Christ
Was attended by
A Barbie doll,
Several dolphins,
And thirty four
Illegal immigrants
In dirty-films raincoats.

Christmas is
When you spend hours
Getting your son's
New train set
Working perfectly,
Only to see him
Smash it up
In exasperation.

Christmas is
When you make the mistake
Of asking your wife
For sex
Under the Christmas tree
Before the presents have been

Unwrapped.



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Christmas in Keswick

Traditional school carol service

Olive restaurant in Bromley

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Saturday, December 17, 2005

Syntactically flawless

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The seasoned limewood logs
Flicker in the fireplace.

Doctor Piers Stockton
Lights his second-best pipe
And settles down to read
His star student's
Latest essay.

The writing is plainly
The work

Of a sick
And depraved mind.

The essay speaks
Of love
And honour
And duty
And self-sacrifice
And magnificent triumph
Against insuperable odds.

The essay
Connects at no point
With Western establishment values.

It contains no hint
Of cynicism,
Manipulation
Or deceit.

Indeed, it has nothing seminal
To say about democratic ideals,
Post-enlightenment intellection,
A free press
Or capitalist opportunism.

Syntactically flawless,
It is a profoundly depressing read.

Dr Stockton
Screws up the essay

And tosses it into the fire.



..................................................................




The Piers Stockton cycle of koans

Student life

Joined-up thinking

Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race

Distant and severe

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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Perhaps love

Perhaps love
Is the energy
Of constructive becoming
Which stimulates the universe
To express itself coherently.

Perhaps love
Is the chap behind you
In the fish shop.

Perhaps love
Is what you feel
When you tie two ends
Of a piece of string together
But don't have to.

Perhaps love
Is all there is
But we haven't

Realised it yet.


................



Only Now

The man behind him in the fish shop

Free money

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Sunday, December 11, 2005

Slinky ClubGirl goes out on the town

Slinky ClubGirl
Goes out on the town
To the Fleshpots of Babylon
In Luton,
Bedfordshire.

The Fleshpots of Babylon
Is a clubby club-club
Type of club;
A sweaty sweat-sweat,
Dancy dance-dance,
Touchy touch-touch,
Feely feel-feel,
Steamy broth of a cauldron
Type of club.

Slinky ClubGirl
Has heard from her friends
That if you inhale unwisely
At the Fleshpots of Babylon
In Luton,
Bedfordshire,
You get instantly
Pregnant
With the only child
Of the Devil himself.

So she takes precautions.

She paints
Her nipples
With coral-pink
Lipgloss
And she puts on
A tight-fitting
Double-strength
Whole-body
Condom.

The whole-body condom
Is not a success.

It restricts
Conversational opportunities
With fit-looking boys,
And it makes it impossible
To drink the necessary
Quantities
Of natural bubbly
Bedfordshire spring water
To stay lubricated.

And it makes her feel
Like a soapy banana
In a slimy plastic
Sausage skin -
A feeling quite commonly
Experienced
In Luton,
Bedfordshire.

So Slinky ClubGirl
Cuts her losses,
Goes home early,
Disposes of her
Whole-body condom
In a responsible way,
And reaches for her
Vibrator drawer.

After fifteen
Or twenty
Seconds,
The vibrator batteries
Run out.

This sort of thing
Is quite common
In Luton,

Bedfordshire.


....................................

The evolution of dance
Judson Laipply video clip (YouTube)

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Harriet feels a burning sensation
#

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Sunday, December 04, 2005

Undead but positive

http://alcuinbramerton.blogspot.com/2005/12/undead-but-positive.html
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William had never felt better in his life.

He was dying from terminal cancer,
But he felt terrific.

The feeling started
When he stopped
Fighting.

When he stopped fighting
The illusion of fear,
The illusion of pain,
The illusion of death,
The illusion of physical limitation -
When he stopped fighting all that,
The feelgood factor
Came flooding in
Fresh and free
And vital.

Could it be true?

How extraordinary.

I'm not really dead, am I?

My body is dead.
I can see that.

I can see my body
Down below,
Flat as roadkill
On the hospital bed.

But I'm floating.
I'm up here.
I am not my body.

Everyone around the roadkill –
The uncomprehending crows
And death groupies –
They think I'm dead.

But I'm not.

I want to shout out.
I want to tell them
It's OK.

I want to assure them that
That meat
Is not me;
That meat
Is a mere artefact of being
Left behind
As a reminder
Of what once was,
But is now better.

This is amazing.
Look what's happening down there.
They are pulling the bedsheet
Over the head
Of the artefact.

It is a white sheet.
A nice white sheet.

People I once knew
Are crying.

I once knew that woman:
She was my wife.
I once knew that little boy:
He was my son.

Officially I am supposed
To be dead,
But experientially
I have never felt better.

In the perception
Of the perceivers,
I have gone.

But in the experience
Of the experiencer
I am still here,
Except bigger
And better.

This is very strange.

Suddenly
I know more than I should.
Suddenly
I can remember
Having done this before
Hundreds of times.

Hundreds of times before
I have flirted with flesh
And lost;
Hundreds of times before
I have flirted with flesh
And won.

Flesh is not the deal.
I am the deal.

There it is.
I can see it.
I can see my body
Down below
On the hospital bed,
Under a white sheet,
Finished with
Again.

It's all coming back.
I can remember what happens next.

I'm going to take a break
With old friends.

I'm going to have a good rest first,
And then plan a return.

I think I'll be
A woman
Next time.

I think I'll
Try out
A different kind
Of flesh,
And see if I can remember

The difference.



...............................



The Angels of Death
Dr Danny Penman considers some common, positive, pre-death experiences observed in hospitals - Daily Mail (London) 17.02.07

The last time I died was in Jerusalem in 1276
A Danny Penman NewsMonster article about reincarnation

...............................



Death is not painful
Some ideas about sleep, dying, death and ascension from the spiritual master, Violinio Germain (20.02.08)


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Information about near-death experiences

Information about reincarnation

Information about regression hypnotherapy



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Astral projection, the soul and the spirit

Underpants

The libraries do not fool us

More Norfolk koans

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