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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Sermon abuse

The vicar strides solemnly
Up the pulpit steps
To deliver the twenty seventh sermon
In his series on the
Surprisingly contemporaneous words
Of the Old Testament prophet, Obadiah.

In the back pew on the left,
Mrs Hartley is ready.

She takes a machine pistol
Out of her handbag,
Points the weapon steadily
At the vicar,
And empties the magazine
Into his open mouth.

It is a NADFAS magazine
About late medieval church furnishings,
So the vicar's death is slow and agonising.

The police conduct a detailed investigation
Into the murder,
And send the papers
To the Crown Prosecution Service.

Several people at the Crown Prosecution Service
Die of boredom
As they review the NADFAS papers
On late medieval church furnishings.

In the end,
The Crown Prosecution Service
Takes the view
That it would not be in the public interest
To prosecute Mrs Hartley
For murdering the vicar.

On balance, they say,
The public good has been greatly enhanced
By the removal of a notorious pest.

There is a clear limit
To the amount of the Old Testament prophet,
Which the general public

Can be expected to tolerate.


These days the church

Female bishops

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