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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Nothing passes

He had absolutely nothing
Inside his head,
So he decided to become
A theologian.

His head was like
An unbroken eggshell
With no egg inside.

So there was plenty of space
For vacuous dogma
To rattle around
The soft echo-chamber
Of his untenanted skull.

His vocal chords, however,
Were well-developed,
So he was a great success
As a theologian.

His vocal chords
Were elastic,
And lacking
In any species
Of self-doubt.

So he became a priest as well.

If you are a priest
It helps enormously
If you have an empty head
And well-developed vocal chords.

He could articulate
Periphrases without focus
And circumlocutions without content,
Such was the felicity
Of his decibels.

In the end he rose
To become the grand international
Head of his church.

But then a strange thing happened:
His church ceased to exist.
It had no members -
Not even him.

And no-one noticed its passing.

If you are standing
By the side of a busy road
And nothing passes,
You tend not to notice -

Even if the nothing is noisy.


The Theologians' Brains Trust

Controlled anal voicing

Heretic unfrocked

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Friday, May 27, 2005

Interdimensional travels

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He enjoyed travelling
Through interdimensional portals,
But he did not like
The lack of control
And haphazard nature
Of trying to travel
Through interdimensional portals
By using hallucinogenic drugs.

So he threw away
His magic basidiomycetes,
Or magic toadstools,
Or magic mushrooms,
Or whatever they were called,
And he threw away
His cannabis
And he threw away
His LSD.

And he started to enjoy travelling
Through interdimensional portals,
By using meditation instead.

And it worked.

With meditation
The interdimensional travelling
Was more controlled
And less haphazard than before,
And it cost less.

And by careful breathing
And focused intention
He found
He could avoid
Bad trips

And then,
Somewhat unexpectedly,
Early one morning,
While he was on one
Of his interdimensional journeys,
He learned something that
He had not realised before:
What we on Earth call sleep,
On other planets,
And in other star systems,

Is called meditation.


I am the Moon

No such thing

A dream is a portal

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Give it a try
It was the fluid energy of meditation which he liked ....

Meditation - the direct encounter
Meditation is a spiritual exercise which aligns the physical brain with the soul

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005


Part of him
Was paralysed
From the waist down,
And part of him
Was paralysed
From the waist up.

But that did not prevent him
From chairing an important
Senate committee.

And he led a remarkably rich
Internal life.

He could identify the reason why
The military-industrial complex
Needed hamburgers
Financed by the illicit drugs trade
In Israel,
To drop unnecessary bombs
On Lebanon, Gaza, Iraq and Afghanistan.

And he knew the difference between
Donald Christ and Jesus Duck.

He was a truly great American.


You can pretend

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Sunday, May 22, 2005

Directory of blogs written by insects

Charles sits down 
To compile
A directory of blogs
Written by insects.

This is no simple task.

Charles is a human being
And as far as he knows
He is not on speaking terms
With any insects,
Though one can never,
With absolute exactitude,
Be certain
What may be heard
By the fly on the wall,
Or, indeed, be understood
By that same fly.

On the face of it
There is no manifest reason
To suppose
That the intellection
Of an arthropod
Is necessarily,
And in every case,
Culturally incompatible
With the intellection
Of a vertebrate.

But the language barrier
Does pose a problem
For many,
Including humans.

It is important, however,
To affirm the insect community
And to applaud its contribution
To the blogging world.

It cannot be easy
For an insect to operate
A computer keyboard.

Humans beings
Have four limbs
With which to operate
A computer keyboard
And they choose
To use two of them
For this purpose.

But insects
Have six limbs
Two antennae
And, in many cases,
Four wings.

It must be difficult for them,
To choose which appendage,
Or combination of appendages,
To use
To operate
A computer keyboard.

Just possibly,
An insect might prefer
A mouse.

That they have reached
Their own decision on this
Is a matter for celebration,
Not censure.

In compiling
A directory of blogs
Written by insects,
Charles decides that

It might be worthwhile
To consult
A directory of blogs
Written by humans,
Compiled by insects.

Insects have strong views
About humans,
Which is why they sting so many,
And assist them to catch malaria,
And bite them repeatedly
When they go on camping holidays
To Scotland
In August.

And humans have strong views
About insects,
Which is why they kill so many,
With broad spectrum insecticides,
And swat them with yesterday's
Unread Scottish newspapers,
And pull their legs off one by one
In order to demonstrate

Their moral superiority.




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Sunday, May 08, 2005

Female bishops

Not all female bishops
Have a latex fetish.

Not all female bishops
Putt the shot.

Not all female bishops
Giggle uncontrollably
During the Agnus Dei.

A minority, only, are like this.

The majority of female bishops
Are perfectly respectable women,
With wire-wool gripperknickers
And sensible brogues.

They are not
By nature

Many, indeed, carry
Quite jaunty handbags.

It is important to be clear about this.

Women on a gender-trip
Are not necessarily

Bad people.

Women's issues

Sympathetic help for unacceptably fat women

Elvis in Bedfordshire

Disappointed at Greenbelt

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