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Monday, July 17, 2006

Keep poverty permanent

Become an American citizen
And use your taxes
To support
Israel and

The War on Terror.


Israeli children send expensive American presents to their friends in Lebanon
An image of unimaginable wealth

While Africa dies
An image of unimaginable poverty

Both photographs were taken on the same planet.


The American Problem

Jolly frightening, this terror business

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Controlled anal voicing

On a recommendation
From an ex-member's husband,
The Blythburgh branch
Of The Women's Institute
Invited Mr Cyril Middleton
Of Dunwich, Suffolk,
To address them
At their Ash Wednesday lunch.

The ladies had checked
Mr Middleton's
Bona fides
Before he was invited.

According to the internet,
He had a good address
In the old medieval part
Of Dunwich,
And his hobbies were
And scuba diving.

His speciality,
According to those who
Had had
The good fortune
Of attending his celebrated
Lectures before,
Was to make funny noises
For the amusement
Of the underclass.

The ladies first noticed
That things
Were going to be a little different
At this particular lunch,
When Mr Middleton
Set up his
Amplification system.

He carefully positioned
On the stage,
Not one, but two
One in front of him
At mouth height,
And one behind him
At buttock height.

He then clapped his hands loudly,
Asked for silence,
And said that the ladies
Should not be alarmed
But he was going to do a quick
Sound test.

Everyone stopped talking
And listened intently.

There was a pause
And then a long,
High-decibel fart
Echoed around the room.

An agonising split second
Of communal
Prophylactic shock
Was followed by
A wanton explosion
Of some of the most
Ever to have permeated
A Women's Institute
Ash Wednesday lunch.

Several members,
Were seen to be
Writhing on the floor,
Injuring themselves

It was quite a few minutes
Before good order
Was re-established.

Mr Middleton
Urged the ladies
To control themselves
And asked that the windows
Be opened
Because the room was becoming
Rather stuffy.

He then let rip
With a second
Anal raspberry,
Twice as loud
And twice as long
And twice as bubbly
As the first.

The meeting once more
Degraded into
Screams and howls
Of unrestrained laughter.

Gertrude Cookley,
A new member from
Chediston Green,
Swore blind
That during this second
Mighty clarion call
She had seen a vision
Of the Archangel Gabriel
Presenting the Prophet Muhammad
With the original text
Of The Life of Brian.

Once the laughter
Had died down,
And the ladies
Had regained the power
Of coherent speech,
They began
Chatting animatedly,
With one another
Saying things like:
"Better out than in,"
And, "No need of nuclear power
With that volume
Of methane available,"
And, "That was worse than
Exchanging a sign
Of the peace."

Later in the day,
The Vicar's wife commented
To her husband
That, all in all,
It was not a good start

To Lent.


Lent in the open ocean

Worth Matravers in Dorset

A required tonic

More Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

General Synod agenda

The elected,
And ex officio
Of yesterday's old-time
English churchianity
Gather in York
For a meeting of
The General Synod.

It is a good-natured gathering
Of low-brow
Ecclesiastical drones,
Spiritual has-beens
And aspiring wannabee system-geeks.

Why are they there?
To discuss sex and gender issues.

What do they want?
Sex and gender issues.

What will they get?
Sex and gender issues.

What is the Gospel of Christ about?
Sex and gender.

Any other business?
Sex and gender.

Why shouldn't Mary Magdalene
Have a toyboy if she wants?

Female bishops

Sermon abuse

Why is church so serious?

More Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching

Sunday, July 02, 2006

A mystery deeper than tears

Crying is the therapy
Of release.

We need to cry more.
We need to cry better.
Tears lubricate a bad day.

But the positive energy
Of lachrymation
Is a mystery deeper than tears.

Why do people cry
When they are happy?
Why do people cry
When they laugh?

We give ourselves when we cry.
But who
Or what
Is the beneficiary
Of our giving?

We abandon ourselves when we cry.
But who
Or what
Then occupies
The vacated inner space
We leave?

And when we cry
Why is the person next to us
Suddenly so understanding?
Suddenly so concerned?
Suddenly so sensitised?

Crying is old magic
Deployed by ancient people
Ever young.

It is a behaviour of childhood
Which expresses the desire
To stay childlike
Without qualification.

And when the time comes,
It would be nice to
Cry oneself
To death,
Rather as one
Cries oneself
To sleep.

Going to sleep
Is practice for
Going to death.

Sleeping is dying,

And tears do help.

Never alone

More Norfolk koans

Index of blog contents

Spirituality websites worth watching